My Dad.

I cannot believe Christmas is so close. It just happened so fast this year. I am all shopped and wrapped for the kids so I feel good about that. I just wish I had one present this year but it will never happen, I cannot believe he is gone it seems so hard for me this year. Although it is hard every year this one is going to be rough. I think I hate the pretending like it is OK for the kids. I never want them to see how sad I am so I do my best but I can't promise that this year. And I don't know why I can't but I just know it is going to be one of the toughest years so far.

I think about the fact that he always wanted a son and that I have his first grandson and I know he would just adore Chase. Chloe would have been a such a big part of his life. She loves to fix and clean things, she loves to sit and listen and I think sometimes he just wanted that from us girls and we were too busy with friends, the phone, and boys. Plus she is just like me in so many ways and everyone knows how him and I felt about each other!! LOL I wonder everyday what it would have been like for him to be a grandfather. How he would be at my house all the time, and spending his annual August month long vacation with my kids.

I spend a lot of days thinking to myself why Christmas? why the best time of the year? but when I think of what he would say I laugh. He would come out with some crazy reason like it if wasn't an important day you girls would forget! I hope when Chase grows up and has his own family that he is just like my dad. I know he looks down now and is so proud of me. he always loved Sean and was truly happy when I started dating him, I just wonder if he misses us girls arguing,the smell of nail polish remover, boys calling,someone always beeping outside the house, or our crazy outfits.

I guess it will get easier one year but this year is NOT the year!


R.I.P Dad 12-25-01

hello

Hello everyone! Nothing too exciting going on here except exhaustion! Chase is going for some new test soon so when I have those results I will let you know. Chloe's last day of school is Friday and her teacher is so sad she is leaving, she needs to go to Easter Seals where Chase goes because she needs some therapy.

i can't wait to come home in Jan I miss my family so much. I am excited to see my nephews and all the kiddies well their parents to I guess!!!LOL. I will be st my sister Jamie's so stop by if you get around to it. It is so hard to see everyone while I am there.

Ok I can't type my child is screaming!!!!!

Love you!!